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  • Writer's pictureMaureen

The question is not why the addiction but why the pain

The definition of addiction is "any behavior that gives you temporary relief, temporary pleasure, but in the long term causes harm and negative consequences. A behavior you cannot give up despite those negative consequences.

Addiction is all about trying to fill an emptiness from the outside. Most addicts I have spoken to state they are afraid of three things; death, other people, and their minds. Many of these addicts have told me that they are afraid to be alone with their own mind. As a recovering addict myself, I was always looking for oblivion. I would go through all sorts of contortions every single day just to not be myself.

One day I was asked a very simple question by my counselor; "why do you use?" I can remember sitting there staring at him trying to come up with a reason why I used. He asked me "what do you get out of using?" I had several answers; relief from pain, a sense of peace, a sense of control, and a sense of calmness, if only for a minute... I was then left to wonder why those qualities were missing from my life. What happened to them? Where they ever there in the first place?

I looked at what kind of drug I used that would put me into oblivion...heroin, opiates, cocaine, the ones that numbed me physically and emotionally. I was left with the question..not why the addiction but why the pain?

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